Blind Either Way
by Violetrose93
Summary: Rey and Poe are on a mission for General Organa when their ship is captured by the First Order. Poe barely manages to escape, while Rey is left behind and finds herself at the mercy of Kylo Ren, who has orders to take her to Snoke. A serious battle of wits ensues, during which Rey wonders if it's possible to break through the guise of Kylo Ren and reach the man beneath the mask.


**Okay, so after years and years of being completely indifferent to Star Wars, I went to see The Force Awakens with my family and . . . well, here I am writing a Star Wars fic, so I guess you can figure out what happened. Anyway, I loved the character of Kylo Ren, so I wanted to explore that a little more. Be aware, there are some TFA spoilers here, so if (for some inexplicable reason) you haven't seen it yet, read on at your own peril.**

* * *

Outside the ship, the stars twinkled like diamonds against the black canvas of space. It seemed impossible to think that these were the same stars she had gazed up at from the sands of Jakku for all those years.

"How're we looking timewise, Rey?" asked Poe, sitting in the pilot's seat beside.

"Whatever I told you five minutes ago, minus five minutes," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah," he said ruefully. "But you know how the General gets."

Rey sighed. "Yes, I do. But hopefully this will cheer her up a bit." She held up a small rectangular drive that they had stolen from a First Order spy. "With any luck, this will be just what she's looking for."

Poe snorted. "Talk about déjà vu."

"Hmm?"

"Oh, nothing. Just remembering the last time I was in a situation like this."

"At least there's no chance of you ending up on Jakku this time," Rey pointed out.

Poe shuddered. "Thankfully. No offense, Rey, but I don't know how you survived living on such a junkyard. I would've gone mad."

Rey raised an eyebrow. "Who said I didn't?"

"Ha, ha, very funny," said Poe, turning back to the navigation panel. His brows suddenly knit together in consternation. "Hold on, what . . ?"

The ship gave a sudden, sickening lurch; the lights in the cockpit blinked out, followed swiftly by the control panel going dead.

"Poe, what's going on?" asked Rey, panic swelling in her chest.

"They've locked onto us," said Poe, his fingers dancing frantically across the dash. "I'm being overridden."

"Who?"

Poe swallowed hard. "The First Order. Looks like their flagship."

"Ren," breathed Rey, her stomach twisting painfully. "We have to go now. Can we use the escape pod?"

Poe shook his head. "I'm locked out of the system."

"Can't you launch it manually?"

"Well, yeah, theoretically," said Poe, frowning. "But someone would have to stay behind on the ship."

"Then here," said Rey, shoving the drive into Poe's hands and pulling him down the corridor toward the pod. "Take this and go. Give it to the General."

"Oh, no," said Poe, backing away. "You take this back to the base. I'm not leaving you here alone."

"You don't have a choice," said Rey, glancing out a window as the ship slowly slid closer toward the Destroyer. "If you stay behind, they'll kill you."

"And what do you think they're going to do to you?" asked Poe incredulously. "Invite you up for drinks in the officers' lounge?"

"Last I heard, Ren's still under orders to take me to Snoke," said Rey grimly.

Poe threw his hands up in the air. "Which is better than being killed _how_?"

Rey grinned. "It means I'll have a chance to escape later. You won't."

"And if Finn ever finds out that I abandoned you to the First Order, he'll kill me himself."

"Well, luckily for you Finn hasn't woken up yet."

Poe swore. "Rey―"

"Look, we're running out of time. You know I'm right, so stop arguing with me and get in."

Poe glared at her for another heartbeat, then leaned forward and hugged her tightly. "Finn's not going to get the chance to kill me, because the General will do it first."

She laughed into his shoulder, trying to fight the tears that were springing to her eyes. "You can tell her that you had no choice. I forced you."

Poe shook his head. "Is that a pun?"

"Go! And tell the General―" Rey swallowed hard. "Tell the General that I have a promise to keep."

Before he could respond, she shoved him into the pod, then punched a button on the wall, sealing the door. Rey waited a moment until she was sure that Poe was situated at the controls, then activate the launch sequence.

The ship pitched slightly as the pod blasted off of the side, sending Rey stumbling into the wall. She watched through a window as the pod zoomed away, praying that the Destroyer wouldn't notice that they'd found a way around the override until it was too late.

The ship gave another lurch, and Rey saw the edge of the Destroyer's hanger come into view. Hurrying back into the cockpit, she grabbed her lightsaber and headed toward the bay door. Grimly, she triggered the blade and waited, wondering how many stormtroopers she'd be able to take out before Ren incapacitated her.

The answer was, quite a few.

The minute the door slid open, Rey was through it, somersaulting down the ramp and slicing through the unlucky troopers who'd been sent in first. Part of her cringed at the violence. Growing up on Jakku, it was nothing new, of course, but her stomach still twisted at the smell of charred flesh.

Rey deflected a bolt from a Stormtrooper's blaster, turning away as it caught the solider in the neck. She didn't have to turn back to know that he was dead.

It took longer than she expected for her to feel the chilling presence of Kylo Ren. She was too strong for him to simply paralyze with the Force now, but just being in the vicinity of his power was enough to weigh heavily on Rey.

She spun, her lightsaber flashing green as she tried to deflect a blaster bolt toward her opponent. The bolt went wild and collided with the hanger wall, bursting into harmless sparks.

Ren regarded her for a moment, his masked head tilted slightly.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" said Rey through gritted teeth.

He chuckled. "You to surrender."

"You'll be waiting a long time then," said Rey."

"Unless you're goal is to die, I'd put your weapon down now." Ren indicated the reinforcements that had arrived and taken up station in other areas of the hanger. "Even you can see that you're terrible outnumbered."

"Yeah, well maybe my goal is to go out in a blaze of glory," snapped Rey, leveling her lightsaber at him. Whatever she might have said to Poe, she had no intentions of letting Ren drag her back to Snoke like some trophy. With a pang of regret that she'd never be able to keep her promise, Rey lunged.

The sheer recklessness of the move seemed to catch Ren off guard. He stepped backwards and triggered his lightsaber, but even before the crimson blade could match wits with Rey's green one, a blaster bolt tore through her side.

Her lightsaber tumbled from her grip as she sank to the hanger floor, her vision flashing red and white. She was vaguely aware of Ren shouting, of anger pulsing off of him in waves. The last thing Rey registered before sinking into unconsciousness was a pair of blanks boots striding toward her.

* * *

Consciousness returned slowly and painfully. Rey sat up groggily, wondering briefly where she was. But her memories came back with the first blast of fire that shot up the side of her abdomen. Exhaling sharply, Rey felt up under her shirt, her fingers skating a stiff corset of bandages that encircled her midsection from waist to ribcage.

"I see you finally decided to rejoin the land of the living."

Her head snapped around to see Kylo Ren sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. Like the last time they'd been alone in a room together, he was unmasked, his dark eyes inscrutable in his pale face.

"No thanks to you," muttered Rey.

"On the contrary," said Ren, standing up. "It's thanks to my medic that you're still alive to mouth off."

"And it's thanks to your soldiers that I was shot in the first place," Rey retorted.

"I did tell you to surrender."

"Right," she said sarcastically. "Because that's what all good enemies do. Surrender immediately and hold out their wrists for the manacles."

"In a perfect world, yes," said Ren simply.

Rey curled her lip in disgust. "In a perfect world, you wouldn't exist," she said spitefully.

"And you never would have been left on Jakku," he countered quietly. "I suppose we're both something of a disappointment.

Rey flinched and looked away. "What do you want? I'll assume since I'm still alive that you do want something."

He stood up and walked to the side of the bed. His eyes were fixed on her face, and Rey began to feel the first tendrils of his consciousness testing the edges of her mind. "It's not really a matter of what I want. It's more of what you _need_."

"Which is what, exactly?" Rey scoffed, shifting uncomfortably as Ren's mind began to press harder on the edges of her own.

"A teacher," he said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You have such tremendous power, and yet you're so afraid to use it."

"Not afraid," she snapped. "I've seen what kind of power you're talking about. I want nothing to do with it."

"Pity," he murmured. "There's such . . . potential there."

Rey winced as the pressure in her head increased. Whatever she had been able to do before, whatever tricked she had used to turn the power around on him, the pain in her side made it impossible to replicate. She couldn't focus, she couldn't concentrate.

 _The Resistance is so futile,_ Ren said in her mind. _After all, what are they really fighting for? The freedom to go to war? To sow chaos and discontent?_ Images began to flash through her head, entire planets in flames, cities engulfed in looters and pillagers.

"No," Rey gasped, straining to push him away. "The freedom to choose . . . who we are. What we can be."

Ren scoffed at her. "The freedom to choose? Choose what, exactly? Disorder and suffering?"

"What exactly do you think the First Order is in the business of?" said Rey. "Peace and prosperity? Look around you, Ren. They destroyed an entire star system without a second thought. Is that really the legacy you want?"

"You don't know a thing about my legacy," he growled, and Rey screamed as her head exploded in pain. For a moment, there was nothing but dark, twisting agony, and she groped around desperately for some escape, any escape.

And then there was nothing, just a gaping, aching chasm of regret and misery. Rey realized that she was in Ren's mind again, only much farther than she'd gone before.

 _What are you doing in here?_ he snapped, trying to force her out.

 _You're so lonely,_ she thought, looking around. _You always have been._

 _Get out!_

 _Too Dark for your family, but too Light for Snoke_ , she murmured. _Even after what happened on the base, you still feel the pull to the Light_. _It's inescapable. Have you ever belonged anywhere?_

 _I said, get OUT!_

And then Rey was back on the bed, doubled over, her head aching and her side ablaze. Ren was on his feet, leaning against the far wall and breathing heavily.

"How does it feel?" said Rey in between panting breaths. "To have someone in your head?"

Ren didn't respond. With a venomous look, he turned and stormed out of the room. The lock clicked loudly as the door swung shut behind him, leaving Rey alone with her pain.

* * *

Days passed. Rey found that boredom, which was her prevailing state of mind most of the time, was as effective as any torture. The pain in her side was too severe for her to meditate, and there wasn't enough room in her small, windowless cell to practice tactics.

Food was delivered daily through a slot in the wall, but Rey ignored it. Part of her hoped foolishly that she could starve herself to death before the ship reached Snoke. She had an uneasy suspicion that the "Supreme Leader" wouldn't prove as easy to goad as Ren.

Rey had lost count of the days when Ren paid a second visit to her cell. She could count her ribs easily, something that hadn't been possible since she had left Jakku. Now, even with Ren in the room, masked and menacing, Rey couldn't bring herself to stop staring listlessly at the wall, her new favorite pastime.

"They say you're not eating."

She didn't respond.

"Why?"

Silence.

"Starving yourself like this is foolish. You're the only one who's harmed."

"Well, maybe that's a good thing," said Rey dully, wondering why she was even bothering to reply. She wished for the thousandth time that Finn was there, even if it meant that they would both be prisoners on the ship.

Ren said, "Odd. You miss him. The stormtrooper," said Ren, stepping closer. "I'll admit, I was surprised to learn that he survived. A wound like that would have killed most people."

"Don't talk about Finn," said Rey viciously, finally turning to look at him.

Ren chuckled. "Or what? You'll starve me into submission?"

"Yeah, that's right," said Rey, sneering. "I _starved_ that scar onto your face. Tell me, how did it feel to train for all those years, only to be beaten by a nobody like me?"

Ren was very still for a moment, and then he slowly reached up and took off his mask. He stared at her with something in his eyes that she couldn't identify.

"What you said before was partially true," he said softly, ignoring her question. "I always was too Dark for my family."

"I think it's all true," Rey replied. "Snoke keeps giving you tests, forcing you to prove your loyalty to the First Order, prove your loyalty to the Dark side. Why would he do that if you were truly Dark?"

"You have . . . no idea," said Ren, his voice deathly quiet. "There's no place for someone like me in the galaxy, no place at all. And, as much as you don't want to admit it . . . no place for you."

"I have a place just fine, thanks," said Rey, not quite meeting his gaze.

"Where? With the Resistance?" Ren laughed coldly. "They're using you."

"And Snoke isn't using you?" Rey retorted.

"Snoke showed me a side of the Force that I never even knew existed," said Ren. "Tell me, in all your training with Skywalker, how much did he actually teach you?"

"Enough."

"And how much did he tell you was forbidden? Forbidden, because it led to the Dark side of the Force?"

Rey shifted uncomfortably. "There are some places no one should go."

"That's fear talking," said Ren, leaning forward. "There's no reason to be afraid of the Darkness. After all, power is power."

"Really? Then maybe it's not the Dark side that I have a problem with," snapped Rey. "Maybe how it chooses to _use_ its power is what's really wrong. Poe told me what happened when he was captured on Jakku. There was no need to kill those villagers. But you did it anyway. Because you could. Because you had the _power_ to."

"A weaker world has to give way for a stronger one to take its place," said Ren stiffly. "Anyone who disagrees is either weak themselves, or blind."

"Your idea of strength is sorely lacking then," replied Rey icily. "You idolize Vader for his so-called power, but ignore the greatest thing he ever did."

"The weakest thing he ever did," corrected Ren angrily. "If he had killed Skywalker when he had the chance, the Empire wouldn't have fallen."

"But he didn't," said Rey. "He _chose_ to do the right thing. Because after everything he'd done, after all the terrible things that had happened on his orders, Vader still chose to make things right. He still loved his son."

"He was weak."

"Why? Because your father loved you? Is that how you sleep at night, by telling yourself Han was weak?"

"You don't know what you're talking about. You don't understand _anything_."

Rey smiled sadly. "No, I guess I don't. My family dumped me on Jakku and disappeared. Your family's gone halfway across the galaxy to try and get you back. So no, I don't understand."

"My family is chasing a ghost."

"Maybe, maybe not," said Rey, shrugging.

"Ben Solo is _dead_."

"No, he isn't," she replied. "I see him every time I get inside your head. You're terrified of him, but he's still there."

"Enough!" Ren roared. "I am Kylo Ren! I am the Master of the Knights of Ren, Commander of the First Order! I've achieved more than Ben Solo ever could have dreamed of."

 _Then why are you still so miserable?_

It was strange, entering his mind without defending her own at the same time. But even though Rey expected resistance from Ren at any moment, she met none.

 _You dislike Hux immensely,_ she said. _Phasma too. Snoke terrifies you, even though you'd never admit it. He's not a master like Luke was. You're in constant fear that he'll replace you with someone more powerful._

She felt him struggling, trying to push her out of his mind while also keeping his thoughts veiled from her. But then, like a rubber band snapping, he stopped fighting her. Rey felt his mind sag, resignation and defeat emanating from every corner of it.

 _Someone like you,_ Ren thought dully. _That's why he wants us to bring you to him. Ever since you beat me, you're all he can think about. He believes you can do what I never could._

 _Which is what?_

 _Kill Skywalker._

Rey retreated from Ren's mind, unable to bear the wave of hopelessness and self-loathing that was washing over him. Blinking, she opened her eyes to see him sitting on the edge of her bed, hunched over with his head in his hands.

"Ben," she said softly. "Look at me." When he didn't respond, she repeated herself, reaching out and grabbing his arm. " _Look_ at me."

"What?" he whispered, turning to meet her gaze. His dark eyes were no longer menacing, no longer cold and swift and calculating. They looked old, tired, as if they'd seen a thousand years of suffering.

"You don't have to stay here. You can leave, you can make everything right."

"How? By running off and joining the Resistance?" he said mockingly.

"You can go wherever you want," said Rey.

"Haven't you been listening? There's no place for me. Whatever I am, Light, Dark, it's never enough." Ren shook his head. "I'm too Dark to live up to my family's legacy, but I'm too Light to destroy it."

"I thought your family's legacy was balance."

"Something we fail miserably at," said Ren shortly.

Rey sighed. "You talk as though Light and Dark are somehow enemies. Deep down, I don't think you're any Darker than me, any more than your parents. Too much Light can blind just as much as too much Dark." She paused. "I think your father knew that more than anyone."

"Are you forgetting that I killed him?" asked Ren bitterly. "Where in the galaxy do you think I can go where that won't follow me?"

"Nowhere," she said simply. "It's something you'll always have to carry. But if it makes a difference, he forgave you."

"No."

"Yes, he did."

"I don't understand you at all," said Ren, staggering to his feet. "Why do you care? A day ago you would've have killed me without a second thought."

Rey shook her head. "I promised your mother that I wouldn't kill you if I thought there was still a chance . . ."

"A chance for what?"

"A chance that you'd go home."

Ren bowed his head and turned away, bracing his arms against the wall. "I can't go back. I've done too much."

"I think we all have," said Rey regretfully. "None of us can go back, none of us can change what happened."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I guess that depends. You decide what you want your legacy to be."

Ren snorted. "Right. Light or Dark. Ben Solo or Kylo Ren. Do you really think it's that easy?"

"No." Rey shook her head. "You can decide to be _more_ than Light or Dark. Ben Solo, but also Kylo Ren."

"You really think that's possible?" he asked quietly.

"I have to. When everything's said and done, it's all I have."

Silence followed this statement. Rey could sense the man in front of her struggling, could feel the turmoil that engulfed his soul. There was nothing left for her to say, nothing left for her to do but wait. Wait to see who rose up out of the confusion.

Wait to see what he chose.

 **Yeah, yeah, I know. The ending is kind of open ended. But like I said, I love the character of Kylo Ren. I think there's something to be said for a character that has to struggle just as much with themselves as the world. But anyway, reviews are wonderful, especially since this is my first trip into this fandom. Any mistakes are unintentional and probably the result of sleep deprivation. Thanks for reading!**


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